Uppity Wisconsin

I find it curious that John McCain and Sarah Palin have latched unto Barack Obama’s response to Joe the Plumber as a negative and a cause for criticism.

Calling Obama’s desire to spread the wealth around “socialist,” is telling of how detached McCain and Palin are from the American people and the quest for the American Dream.

An essential part of the American Dream is the notion that if you work hard enough, you can get ahead.  Inherent in that belief is the idea that you can share in the bounty of your labor—and you can use this new-found wealth to purchase and own your own home; create a better future for your children by sending them to college; and live without fear and want.

There are but three days to go, Gentle Reader, and the McCain campaign is now down to fear and Joe The Plumber. Those who seek to spread The Fear are resorting to fantastic schemes and amazing leaps of logic in an effort to find something to make The Fear rise in voters. But to be honest, the crazy speculation lacks…imagination. I believe I can present crazy speculation that is at least as interesting as what they’ve put out—and funnier to boot—and with that and the Halloween just past in mind we present the final weekend edition of the 2008 campaign cycle's blogging. So, ya wanna hear a few debunked made up rumors that, frankly, have a lot more creative style? Here’s a good one, to get things started: Obama does not plan to increase employment by having the Department of Health and Human Services purchase hundreds of mobile medical vans that he will staff with pro-choice doctors and nurses so they can drive around the country and perform mobile abortions by night while teaching sex education to kindergarteners by day. The rumor that Nicholas Sarkozy is planning to resign as President of France so that he can become Governor of West Virginia after Obama renames it West By God France is, sadly, untrue. Obama will not rip off a fake rubber head o

When last we met, Gentle Reader, we were talking about more or less $150,000 in clothing and beauty services that had been purchased mostly for Sarah Palin’s use by the Republican National Committee. Since then, we have learned that John McCain himself once tried to outlaw the very type of contribution that led to this situation, we’ve heard McCain’s campaign offer a very non-maverick-y denial...and we’ve learned that the highest paid member of the McCain campaign staff—the person who presumably has the magic touch needed to turn this thing around—will be working her magic with a makeup brush. As we discussed yesterday, I think I could have dressed Palin for 1/3 of what the RNC paid. Yesterday we “purchased” five of the outfits I think she needs...and with half the shopping done, we’re $670 over budget. Can she be dressed for a mere $43,000? Let’s see if we can pull it off...

John McCain is all excited today, because, in his mind, Joe Biden has really Screwed It Up This Time by claiming that Obama will be tested by a foreign policy challenge, that Obama will act in a way we might not immediately trust, and that we should stand by him if it happens. Oh My God You Have To Vote For Me, is the McCain response, because we can’t afford someone who will be tested in office. As it turns out, Joe Biden is the smarter guy in this argument, a few calm words are in order...and I’m here today to offer a response that will set McCain’s foolishness right back on its heels. So let’s get to it. Let’s begin with the basics: what, exactly, did Biden say?

"Mark my words," the Democratic vice presidential nominee warned at the second of his two Seattle fundraisers Sunday. "It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We're about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don't remember anything else I said.

So the grand plan unfolds ---

McCain suspends his campaign because the nation needs saving -- then goes in and sabotages the bailout plan by throwing in a whole new plan that nobody was thinking of - ensuring that there'll be no deal.

There's no deal - so you have to not show up for the presidential debate tonight.(and I think it's more than a little ironic that after McCain's attempts to goad Obama into Town Hall Meetings the format of the debate is probably going to be a Town Hall Meeting with Barack Obama - what else can they do?)

Then - and this is the genius part --- since the Presidential debate was postponed, Lindsay Graham now says that they want to put the presidential debate in where the vice-presidential debate should have been , thereby saving Sarah Palin from having to - you know, actually talk to people.

Lessee here - I think the next plan is to move the Vice-Presidential debate to Nov. 5. 

Tomorrow's New York Times provides a brief preview of the sort of government you could expect from a Vice President or President Palin.  A government ruled by loyalty, secrecy, and cronyism.  In other words, four more years of the last eight years.

Gov. Sarah Palin lives by the maxim that all politics is local, not to mention personal. So when there was a vacancy at the top of the State Division of Agriculture, she appointed a high school classmate, Franci Havemeister, to the $95,000-a-year directorship. A former real estate agent, Ms. Havemeister cited her childhood love of cows as a qualification for running the roughly $2 million agency.

 

And four months ago, a Wasilla blogger, Sherry Whitstine, who chronicles the governor’s career with an astringent eye, answered her phone to hear an assistant to the governor on the line, she said.

“You should be ashamed!” Ivy Frye, the assistant, told her. “Stop blogging. Stop blogging right now!”

Well, it is easy to tell it’s September. BBQ smoke hangs thickly in the air, the rain is getting cooler than it usually is in the summertime, and the Mariners are securely in last place. And it is also time to return to school. For the new voter about to enter (or return to) College, all the crazy living can make you forget about important things, like...oh, I don’t know...maybe an election or two. To make sure this does not happen I’m going to put College and Politics together to create this year’s first...wait for it...synchronized Sarah Palin drinking game. So start pairing up your shotglasses, find the Scotch tape, and when you get back I’ll tell you how it works. OK...so here’s what’s going to happen: You’re going to make “pairs” of glasses that will have Sarah Palin’s “official story” on one glass, and Sarah Palin’s matching flip-flop on the other...which you can find right here...so print this story, cut out the strips, apply a bit of tape, and you’re on your way. Put them in a shoebox, and at the beginning of the game players pick one at random. (Or if you prefer, pick teammates...) When you hear one of the pair on the TV, both glasses have to drink...in a synchronized manner.